I’m at the “end” of my day and I’ve had it. I really want to do more. To work on a personal project. But I’m tired of sitting in this chair. I don’t want to be here any more just because. Maybe I’ll go away but to what? And to where? Predictably I know the answer to both. I’m just avoiding the inevitable. I’m reminded that this is why so many people are all about “someday”. They just don’t have it in them to do another minute. Avoidance.

Speaking of avoidance. I’m looking around my “office” which is really the “network room” having escaped to here because the office I was promised never materialized because some body else “needed” the one with the view. Not going to happen they said. Oh well. I’ll take this space then. No window. A door (bonus). Nobody wants it. Good. Mine forever until I quit. I am not about image anyway. I’m not here to impress with physical flash.

One of the partners complained about the morning meetings start time. He wanted it at 8. I was like… no how about 9. Because 10 was perfect. It gave everyone a chance to do something before the complete waste of time. Which it was already. He went on and on for 30 minutes after we’d already been sitting there for an hour about company strategy which was largely about projecting the proper image and working hard. Long before I channeled splitting my ears to listen while the rest of my brain worked on the MacBook because just sitting there listening to the blah blah blah is counter to what I am. And it was killing me. I was like well, if I have to listen to this then I’m going to forever long list of boring that I’ve been putting off. By the end some of it was working and I had some new cool tools to pass around.

I know that he’s going to ban notebook computers at meetings. If that happens I won’t go.

But worse then a potential future ban on productivity is announced dress code. Which boils down to one word: ties. “Screw that,” I said, “I haven’t worn a tie to work in 20 years.”And the only reason I did that was because it was a dress code that I wrote. It was when I (and my Dad and brother ) owned a computer store back in the midwest. Because we were kids we needed to look older. Ties and coats did that. Bonus that they had pockets for tools. We still wore sneakers but only because they were practical. Like the pockets.

But dammit, I’m a engineer not a sales guy. My jorb is all about tech. I’m not here to impress. I’m here to produce. I challenged the partners on the tie thing knowing full well that I need to pick my battles. And this is a battle that needs to be picked because if I don’t say something now it’ll be ties all around until the end of time.

Sigh. This turned into a rant. Stupid.

I was just saying. End of the day. And I don’t feel like doing what **I** want to do. And that’s a problem. Because no matter how much crazy money is being promised I have to solve this problem. If I feel beat up, unloved and have “whatever I’m not in the game” on my mind. Meaning I need to find a new game.