so that’s it. that silly feeling of complete incompleteness…
you know, the partial mashup of failure, fiasco avoidance and success at underachieving once again. it cannot be a triumph in any way but in oh so many ways it is. you know? how you get your lowest score thrown out so it doesn’t affect your overall grade in any way, knowing that, then latching onto yeah, I don’t have to do that because it’s hard, phew missed that and sure I’ll take the F because the F isn’t going down on my permanent record.”
I remember that one year being “oh so close” to that big number but I was out of things for my “book” to say. it was over and out with no way to fill in anymore babble. I remember feeling really horrible for the next 30 something when the clock clicked one past the 30th day straight up midnight. oh, that hurt. and left a mark. but I took something away from that. that I really could write for writings sake without having to wave a chicken, walk around the park clockwise, make coffee waiting for it to finish only to be intimated by the one pixel wide cursor forever taunting my every word with each blink.
yeah, NaNoWriMo helped my get over the ritual, voodoo and impending rejection (aka doom) of exchanging words from my brain to silicon brain to your brain. and I’d been writing for long time before that with having to have everything just right before writing could begin.
I’ve learned from it. and here’s the obligatory list:
don’t feel bad when you can’t. you don’t have to write every day. there are days when there is nothing.
sometimes writing is not writing. that clockwise trip around the park that I mentioned before is a good way to actually write. but it could be other things: riding the bus, driving around or making eggs. All of those things engage your brain so that some other part of it can do the writing part.
some words on paper are better than no words on paper.
I used to say that in order to write you had to read. poppy cock. with reading I go through phases where I’m reading lots to where I’m not at all. writing has similar phases. there are times when I just don’t feel like doing it. other times will have me consumed for days until it’s done.
I can tell you there is no better experience than to say BUY MY BOOK! and that never gets old.
I like the excuse, “sorry I was late… I was writing!” because people who actually write know what that’s all about. people that don’t will secretly be annoyed that they will never be able to use that excuse.
if at first you don’t like what you wrote, put it away for another day. later, if it’s still crap you won’t feel so uppity about deleting it.
don’t forget to eat.
thanks NaNoWriMo. see you next year.