I needed to read them again just to be sure I wasn’t talking with my ass. I wanted to know why somebody would want these words removed. After reading them, I find the words dated and mostly don’t apply to modernism. Well then again I may be biased. I don’t subscribe “modern religion.” Normally I refuse to talk about religious stance. That is unless you want to talk about the shrinking strike zone, inter-league play and changing the rule to eliminate the DH. I decided a long time ago I don’t need to live my life fearing some unscene rath or feeling guilty about having a good time all the time. I have a problem with the people that believe the earth is only 7267 years old explaining the dinosaur fossils away claiming they were props put there by “him.” Right. Blind faith.

Like I said, I looked them up and read them again. And here’s my play-by-play:

1. Irrelevant. God doesn’t exist. See the babel fish exists. As Douglas Adams told it: `Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existance of God. `The argument goes something like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.” `”But,” says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.” `”Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

2. Who says I can’t carve a worm?

3. Dammit! Too late.

4. Sabbath rules! Dah, nuh, nuh, nuh, Dah, nuh, nuh, Dah, nu, nu, nuugh, naaaa!”

5. Shouldn’t that be, “remember to phone your mom and dad once in a while”?

6. If you live in Texas there’s that law that allows for you to say “he needed shoot’n.”

7. Never grow up. Act like a kid all the time!

8. Aluminum and titanium are sooo much stronger and lighter.

9. Don’t dress up as a bear delivering a blank video tapes door to door with the label “The Witness” on it.

10. This last one needed some help. A fact check of the word covet reveals something interesting. Modern consumerism is larger based on the fact that people “covet” stuff. Everyone desires a bigger better something. Be it a house, a bustier blonde or a faster car (to make up for genetic smallness). Nobody covets a neighbors ox or donkey. In fact if they had one, you’d more than likely complain to the city to have their “ass” removed.

So out of ten. Don’t drown the extra puppies. Watch the Osbourns while wearing something with holes in it. And “hey, mom. can you send me some money?”

And after a long discussion about this very issue I woke up with an idea. What if there were they were updated? Would that help?

1. You are responsible for you. Pay attention.

2. Be nice to people, animals and bugs.

3. Have a good time, all the time.

4. Learn something new everyday.

5. Recycle what you’ve used and what you no longer need.

6. Smile.

7. Swearing is unbecoming.

8. Allows look on the bright side of life.

9. Don’t stop believing. Hold on to that feeling.

10. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.

A good start….but if we can’t have the commandments, maybe the “command keys” are more appropriate for the future.

The 10 command keys:

z – undo
x – cut
c – copy
v – paste
b – bold
o – open
p – print
q – quit
w – close
a – select all
n – new
s – save
. – cancel